I finally have my kitchen back. For the past week it has looked like a poor man’s feng shui. It all began when I tried to wash the dishes and I noticed these teeny tiny light brown slivers crawling all over the drainer. 

With eyes bulging and hair coming off my neck I quickly rinsed the critters down the drain and managed to finish doing the dishes. I put the drainer back under the sink and noticed that the critters were now on the counter. I thought they had just jumped overboard before I committed genocide but no, I could see a whole trail of them coming up and over the backsplash.

The hubby got out a magnifying glass and said they were ants, but I have to tell you I’ve never seen any this small before. I set out the ant poison, which they ignored — I mean I even pushed it in their faces and they stuck their noses up at it. Well, I’m assuming this because I didn’t know if they even had noses. 

Next I plopped down some corn meal because it’s supposed to expand in their bellies and end them that way. But they just seemed to be using it as a sandbox — and there was the chance that their mouths were too tiny to even eat it, so I just had to wait and see. 

The next day I killed as many as I could see, which was a lot, by swiping them up with a wet paper towel. I started doing dishes again and dang! They were crawling all over the drainer again! I hosed it, I bleached it, I attacked it with a toothbrush and when the dishes were done I placed the drainer over on the stove. Few things grate on my nerves more than leaving the drainer out but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

 I then attacked the lower cupboard where I store the drainer. Every couple of hours I went after them with a wet paper towel — upper counter and lower cupboard. Where were they all coming from? I took the sugar and flour canisters off the counter and put them on the other side of the kitchen and washed the counter down good. Next they were feasting around the base of the faucet!

By day three they were also on the other side of the sink so my recipe file, can opener and breadbox had to go somewhere — anywhere they would fit. I picked up the butter dish and there had to be a family reunion going on so I tossed the butter, then saw a caravan of relatives coming up over the backsplash. I was nearly at my wits end. 

By day five they were coming up out of the crack where the counters joined. I had had it! Since Google was of no help I looked over my arsenal of critter killers and decided to go for the big gun — wasp and hornet spray. 

The hubby thought I was nuts, and by then I probably was but desperate times call for desperate measures. I sprayed under the sink first. The little buggers stopped in their tracks. Yes! I wiped up the mess and checked it periodically. More ants continued to come but seemed to succumb to the chemicals that lingered in the wood. I was on to something. 

I sprayed around the base of the faucet and was met with identical results so I sprayed the crack in the countertop. Unfortunately that spot is exactly where we make sandwiches and/or prepare dinner. The hubby quickly reminded me of this, which reminded me of that dream I had a few years ago where I got arrested for killing my husband with ant poison — so I got nervous. 

I headed for my art supplies and sketched a skull and crossbones, then placed my masterpiece on the counter to make sure neither one of us killed ourselves. Truth is though, with the ants crawling about we weren’t setting anything on the counter anyway. 

After two days of no ants I finally put everything back. Then I went to make dinner and found their shirttail relatives off course and stumbling around in my utensil drawer! Well I can’t spray wasp killer in there now can I? argghhh.

I had to wash every utensil in that drawer and let me tell you, it wasn’t packed lightly. 

So I haven’t officially solved the problem just yet. I feel like I’m playing whack-a-mole:  Knock them down here and they pop up there. Normally I like that game, but not with ants. 

On the bright side, my kitchen is cleaner than ever right now. 

debbiehough@hotmail.com

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